Prisoners of Love
by OOO7
Summary: Faced with doubts and uncertainties in the aftermath of the assault on Marmo, Parn tries to come to terms with his inner turmoil and his love for Deedlit.


WARNING: Contains scenes of conspicuous but consensual coitus involving established fictional characters, which may or may not fit within the reader's preconception about said characters.

DISCLAIMER: Relevant characters and source materials belong to their respective copyright owners.  The author lays claim to the rest.  Use for non-commercial purposes only.

**Prisoners of Love**

a _Record of Lodoss War_ story

by

_0007_

dedicated to his fallen RPG characters

Prologue

      _Parn..._

      Despite all the pain, despite the torrents of otherworldly forces coursing through her veins, threatening to snuff out the last light of her being, Deedlit held that name in her mind, a small speck of light in a dimming world.  With the name came fading yet vivid memories of warmth, of sunlight, of rivers, grass, flowers and trees-trees as old as the world and as young as her childhood.  With the name also came faces: some were foes, shadowy and sinister, but many more were friends, beckoning and bright; it was the brightest of them all that streaked her face with tears, for the thought of never seeing that face again was worse than death.

      _Parn, I'm sorry._

      She was tired of fighting, tired of the futile struggle against powers vast and ancient beyond imagine.  With every fiber of her being she had tried to hold back the rushing tide of darkness, yet it rose.  Foreign as mortal fate was to her elven kind, she understood death and had no fear for it.  What filled her heart with a dark despair was the faint knowledge of what was to come after, what was to happen to Lodoss, her beloved trees, her friends, and he whose name had been a beacon in a ceaseless black sea.  That despair fuelled a last defiant surge as she became vaguely aware of the clashing of blades close to her.  Discerning the combatants was beyond her, yet the cry of a familiar voice rang clear, "Deed!"

      _Parn!_ Her mind screamed as darkness enveloped her.

* * *

      "Parn?"

      Someone was calling him, a voice Parn heard but did not answer, for his mind dwelt still on the island Marmo, within the stygian depth of the dark temple.  His eyes glimpsed not white waves breaking against the ship's bow but the terrible face of Ashram, the Dark Knight, in his last moment of triumph and defeat.  If there ever was a victor of that climactic battle, it was not he, though he alone lived to tell it.  Lodoss was safe again, yet what can peace be but the reprieve between conflict and destruction?  Victory did not resurrect the dead, nor could the wheel of time retrace its well-worn groove.  What had been was no more; what had come was not forever; what had gone will surely come again.

      _I had helped to turn back the tide this time, but who will when the next battle rages?_  The question weighed heavily on Parn as he gazed toward the gray heavens, inscrutable as the future.

      "Parn!"  A slap on the arm finally jostled him out of his gloomy reflections.  It was Sheris, cutthroat mercenary and trusted comrade, still clad in her crimson-red wolfskin tunic and leggings.  Dark, almost black stains here and there--the blood of goblins--bore witness to the savagery of battle, so recent yet distant.

      "Sheris, what is it?"  Parn turned to her, his face still clouded.

      Sheris managed to look annoyed and concerned at the same time.  Before replying she gave him an once-over, and did not appear satisfied with what she saw.  "For Falis's sake you could at least take off that armor.  You are the hero and all but clunking around in that all day is a bit disconcerting," she chided.

      Though it had been three days since the battered forces of the alliance left Marmo, few had time enough to wind down from the strains of battle and recuperate fully.  Space was scarce with all the wounded onboard, so like many Parn passed the time as best as he could, lending a hand when needed, and more often, sought solitude at the ship's wind-swept bow.  His own battle-weary appearance was far from his mind.  Moreover he was used to the weight of the armor and often slept in it, like many knights did on the march, for exercise and convenience if not comfort.  "You haven't had time to change either, you know," he pointed out with a faint smile.

      Sheris rolled her eyes.  "A girl can't just wear any piece of rag!  These are the best I have.  At least they don't give you bruises like all that plate iron."  She came up next to him, elbow touching his and back leaning over the bow.  "You are the hero so act like one: wipe that sad look off your face.  Can't you look at least a little happy?" expecting no answer, she blurted out anyway.

      Neither of them said anything for a while, content to just look over the sea, next to which petty wars and human strife paled to insignificance.

      "Parn, people are worried about you," Sheris broke the silence quietly, but avoided his seeking eyes.  "Even King Kashue is concerned.  He wanted me to check on you."

      The truth was quite the opposite, as the king had bid her to let him be, knowing all too well the internal struggle that went on in the aftermath of battle.  But she just could not bear to see him like that, looking as if the weight of a decade had crept up on him overnight.  She missed the old Parn: full of unbending optimism and youthful impetus, strong-headed as her.

      "I'm alright Sheris," Parn glanced back at the sea, "I just have some thinking to do."

      "Anything I can help you with?"

      "Um, not really," he shook his head, "I'll snap out of it eventually."

      Sheris sighed and hung her head.  "Well, you let me know if there's anything I can do.  I won't even charge you."  That got a slight grin out of him as she had hoped, but she could see that Parn was too polite to ask her to leave.  "Etoh was looking for you earlier, I think," she told him.

      "Is it about Deed?!" as if those were the first words he truly understood from her, an alarmed Parn asked immediately, "Has she come to?"

      Sheris sensed the near-desperate urgency in his voice, and saw the hope and fear in his eyes.  At that moment she could not have envied someone more.  "I'm sorry but I don't know, Parn.  You should go see him, in the stateroom," she answered him gently.

      "Thanks for letting me know!" Parn called over his shoulder as he hurried off, leaving her alone at the bow, even as their solitary ship plowed through the unceasing waves.

* * *

      "Pardon me...Excuse me...Sorry about that," Parn apologized constantly to people he bumped into or tripped over in his haste, as he made his way to the rear of the ship.  Many of the wounded who could not fit onto the surgeon's deck were piled into the already narrow corridors, their pitiful wails and moans striking more fear into him than any foe.  While it was true that there cannot be too high a price for preserving Lodoss, the toll still disheartened even the victors.  Would he have the courage to face it all over again knowing full well the consequences?  Doubts began to brew in Parn even as his single-minded concern for Deedlit drove him onward through the throng.

      At last the iron-framed, oaken door of the stateroom stood before him.  "Deed?" Parn called out as soon as he pushed it aside.

      "Shh, not so loud," Etoh shushed and stood up from the side of the large, four-posted bed in the center of the room.  By candlelight Parn saw that his friend's pearly robe had turned a shade of grimy gray, soaked with sweat and more, but that there was hope in his kind eyes.  He came further into the room and dared to steal a glance at the prone form on the bed.

      "Etoh, please," Parn beseeched, "How is she?"

      "Don't worry, Parn, the worst is over now."  Etoh's first smile in days gave him relief like no other.  "She is strong inside, stronger than we knew, stronger than the clutch of Kardis."

      Parn allowed himself to be led closer to the bed.  For the first time in days he got a good look at Deed.  Though still wane, her face no longer hid her beauty, and traces of healthful hue had returned to her alabaster skin, replacing the horrible shades of death which had filled him with such dread that he could not bear to be near her in the neediest hours.  Her eyes were shut but her countenance was once again animate, and it gave him untold joy knowing that those eyes, deep as a bottomless lake and brighter than the stars, would once again open to him.  

      Despite the presence of another man Parn had to wipe away tears, tears he had held back for so long.  More than once he thought he had lost her, even as he held the swords Soul Crusher and Carsomyr in his hands and with their power smashed through the magical barrier imprisoning her body; even as he bore her up into the daylight while all of Marmo crumbled.  To be standing before her now and sharing the mortal plane once more, after so much destruction, so much death, caused a staggering cascade of emotions to well up inside him and fall in tears of bittersweet joy.

      "Thank you, Etoh," Parn told his friend with heartfelt words, "For everything."  He would never forget the look of steely resolve on the gentle cleric's face as he prepared to face the demon wraith alone, deep within the temple of Kardis.  So many had sacrificed, had paved the way so he could meet his destiny.

      "I only had to lead her back to the world of the living," Etoh shook his head humbly, "And I couldn't have done it without Leylia," he told Parn, "It was Deed's own fight and we were merely her guides."

      "Where is Leylia?" asked Parn, "I've got to thank her too."

      "She's with Slayn, helping the others," said Etoh.  "Though if they don't get some rest soon I doubt they'd be any help much longer," he added with a helpless smile.

      "I see," Parn nodded and felt a pang of guilt: Deed was only one casualty amongst hundreds, yet his thoughts had almost been entirely with her.  After a moment he helped Etoh draw close the bed curtains, satisfied that Deed was safe.

      As they left her bedside Etoh almost stumbled, before Parn steadied him.  The anxiety and toil of three sleepless days was beginning to catch up to the cleric.

      "I'll be fine," he insisted, "I'm the last person you should be worried about."  Etoh glanced back at the bed.  "She's resting now, but Falis willing she'll awaken before day's end.  I'll leave you alone now.  Nobody will disturb you here, by the king's orders," he told Parn then left the room, closing the door behind him.

      Alone with her at last Parn sat on the edge of the bed and watched Deed's peaceful face through the curtains.  He longed to caress her cheeks but dared not disturb her slumber, so he had to content himself with their proximity, which he thought no long ago they would never share again.  Candles grew short as he kept watch, filled by a serenity he had not known for a long time.

      "Parn..."

      He thought himself imagining it, as he had countless times in the nights past, but this time her voice was real, for he saw her lips move, now a faint shade of scarlet instead of sickly white.  "Deed!"  He quickly clasped her hand in both of his.

* * *

      _Parn!_ Deedlit thought with the last strength of her mind as the dark tide bore her away from the world of light.  She had thought her struggle over, but myriad sensations still tormented her.  Her awareness felt stretched out and in her mind's eye she beheld a terrible abyss: on one side was a raging infernal; on the other, a black void of nothingness.  She longed to feel the heat of the flames, if only to beat back the icy chill in her soul, but they burned so terribly hot and bright, so that her disembodied essence threatened to tear apart every time she drew near.  It would be so much easier to just give in to the dark side, there was no searing heat but only all-encompassing cold, cold enough to sooth her body, cold enough to freeze fire and hold still the march of time.

      For an eternity she hung in the balance of darkness and light, until their conflicting pulls held her no longer.  Into the abyss she plunged, and the darkness grew blacker.

      At last she felt still.  Her mind was again anchored to something material, and there was neither pain nor any other sensation.  Was this the promised afterlife for all her kind?  Had she returned to the root of the great Tree of Life?  A feeling of peace washed over her, telling her to let go, cast off the shell of existence to be embraced by sleep forever lasting.

      But she could not.  She still held a thread to the material world.  Too many sights she still wished to see, too many things she wished she had said.  They held her back: the whispers of the wind, the light of the sun, the smell of blooms, and the touch of his hand making her skin tingle.

      His hand!  She was not dreaming, she could feel it, emanating from her own, a steady warmth that rekindled her heart and quickened the blood in her veins.  She opened her eyes, eyes she had long shut against the horrors they saw but were now clear.

      "Parn!"

      "Deed!" he called back to her, clutching her hand tighter still.  His face loomed over her, handsome like an angel and familiar as sunlight.  How could it be?  She was gone, she had fallen beyond the world, yet there he was, holding on to her as if he had never left her side.

      "We...we're alive?" she asked incredulously, when the phantom did not fade.

      "Yes, Deed, you're alive!  I'm alive!  Etoh, Slayn, King Kashue, our friends, they all made it!" Parn was only too happy to reassure her, "Kardis has returned to her eternal sleep beneath Marmo."

      Understanding his words, she cried, in great heaves and sobs.  It was happiness, relief, and the sheer joy of being alive, with Parn!  So much joy that she wanted to sing, but the words choked at the back of her throat and came out as tears instead.  She saw that his eyes were red and his face moist, and it only made her cry more, because she wanted to make up for the times when he shed tears and she could not.

      "Oh Parn...hold me, please."  She wanted to sit up, but her body lacked the strength, so she dragged him down until she could make out each strand of his lashes, heavy with dew.  "Don't cry now, Parn, I've enough tears for both of us."  She smiled at him, holding his face in her hands.

      "I won't if you won't, Deed."  He smiled back at her.  To hear him whisper her name, so gently yet with so much need, was more than she could have imagined.  To be under his gaze again, their eyes locked in the sharing of more than words, was more than she dared to hope.  To hold him so close, that they shared the same breath, was more than she ever dreamt of.  At that moment she felt a certainty that she never felt before.  It filled her with hopes for the future: whatever was going to happen, as long as he was with her, she would be alright, she could face anything fate threw at her.

      Pulling his face closer, she began to gently kiss away the dewdrops.  "Deed..." Parn said her name in that tone he used whenever she asked him how she looked at an inopportune time, or tried to straighten his tunic in view of others.  She did not care, even if all the soldiers of Flaim had been in the room, and soon nor did he.  This moment belonged to the two of them, and she wanted it to last forever.

      "I love you, Parn," of all the thousands of things she wanted to tell him, those words she had to say first.  Surprised, Parn could say nothing before his lips were sealed by hers.

* * *

      It was near dusk when Parn went topside.  He finally convinced Deed to rest again, worried that she might be worn out by happiness.  It gladdened his heart to see the smile that lingered on the corners of her mouth as she slept.  This was the Deed he knew, who could lift his spirit no matter how low it had fallen.  Nevertheless her sudden declaration surprised him, and his mind did not know what to make of it even as his feet felt like they were stepping onto clouds.  Having finally shed his armor, he needed air, and wanted to feel the wind in his hair.

      Did he love her?  Without a doubt, if it could be said that he loved anyone.  His years in the world were not yet long, and he felt woefully unprepared in the ways of courtship.  All the jumbled feelings he had for Deed but were at a loss to express, multiplied by all the perils and hardships that threatened to tear them apart, had solidified into love, even though he could not say when they first arose.  It was with these confused thoughts that he found himself sharing the portside lookout with King Kashue.

      "My lord," he bowed as the king approached.

      "Parn, have I not told you that there is no need for courtly trappings in private?" said the king, "There is no crown on my head, so address me as equals, Sir Knight."  Kashue had indeed traded royal regalia for the traditional garb of the desert tribes.

      "I'm sorry, sire," by nature, Parn bowed again, though not as deeply.

      "It's good to have nice weather again," Kashue glanced up at the darkening sky, "And here I thought the clouds might linger forever."  He shifted his eyes onto Parn meaningfully.

      Knowing what the king meant, Parn felt slightly embarrassed.  "Worry about them no longer, sire, for weather changes constantly, and shadowy spells do pass."

      "It is fortunate," Kashue sounded pleased.  "I am doubly glad to know that your dear companion has began to recover."

      "Thank you for your concern, sire.  Deed is still resting but I'm sure she'll be happy to have visitors soon."

      "I would certainly pay her a visit, though I have not even the time to attend to all that I must.  In fact I'm being negligent in my duties right now, for even so short a lull I could ill-afford," Kashue confessed with a rueful grin.  "Sometimes I wonder if I had fought to be king just to be saddled with so much care.  The life of a simple soldier was far more suited to my temperaments."

      "Sire..." Parn was at a loss for words.  King Kashue, the fearless Lord of the Sands, impervious to danger and steadfast even before a fire-breathing dragon, still had his regrets.  _Even idols are entitled to laments, _he thought.   He did not know what to say, yet an air of expectancy hung between them.  "I do not envy your position, my lord, but there is no doubt that every man on this ship trust you with their lives, as do I.  You had seen them through perils unimaginable.  Wherever you tread, they will follow; whenever you have need of a blade, I pledge you mine."  His reply, when it came, was more articulate than he thought himself capable of.

      "Your kind words lighten my heart," the king said graciously.  "To have the strengths of so many behind oneself is a great honor, and an even greater responsibility.  Far be it from kingly conduct that I should saddle you with such petty musings.  Leaders of men cannot waver, for when they do their followers bend.  If I was a better king we would not be having this talk."

      "Flaim would have none other, sire."  Parn locked eyes with the king and saw his strength.  Yet even his was not omnipotent.  When the power of kings and empires could not be relied upon, what could he alone do?  Could he protect all that he cared for with his sword?  Would Deed ever be safe with him?

      Silence fell between the two men, who went through terrible troubles together but were now troubled by different things.  Parn thought about his feelings for Deed, and wondered if he was worthy of her feelings for him.  Fighting and toiling he had no difficulty with, but what kind of consort would he make?  He decided to seek the counsel of his wiser.

      "Sire, forgive me if I'm being too bold, but I've heard that Flaim has no queen," Parn said, watching the king closely for fear of offense.

      "Flaim deserves a queen, but I do not," Kashue replied evenly.  He paused uncharacteristically, as if debating whether to say anything further, then chose to continue, facing Parn, "'Tis a story I thought never to tell again, but you may hear of it, as amend for what you should not have had to hear."

      "I dare not impose on you, sire, but it's an honor I shall gladly accept if bestowed."

      "Then the honor you shall have," Kashue nodded and cast his eyes upon the sea, looking beyond its waves.  His voice was dry and clear, like the song of the dunes.

      "When I led my former life I loved many, for virility was prized by my people.  Flirtations of youth, most were, though one can never tell except in hindsight, which regrettably only age could grant.  As I grew into wiser manhood, she whom I loved best came to my tribe as a war slave.  Unlike most she did not despise her captors, me included.  She was perceptive and gentle, and showed wisdom beyond her age.  We became close as I learned from her that our peoples shared far more in common than not.

      "The dream came to me then that the water of the oases poured together could form a lake: our quarreling tribes united could rival any kingdom.  She shared my dream and was determined to help me fulfill it.  With her aid her former tribe became my first ally.  Our numbers grew from there, from a trickle to a stream, from a stream to a river.

      "I wanted to marry her but she would not for my own sake, for no tribe would respect a chief whose consort had been a lowly slave, and to realize my...no, our, dream, I needed all the respect I could muster.  She urged me to take as wife instead one of the daughters of our foes, but I refused as she had refused me.  I told her that the day all of Flaim united under one banner would be the day she took her rightful place at my side.

      "For a long time I struggled, followed by a gathering group of men who shared one vision.  We were met with many bitter defeats, but still more sweet victories.  When the last campaign was at an end, I had not been home for ten years.

      "Alas, she was not there to greet me when I returned in triumph, having passed on three years earlier."  In the king's eyes Parn saw all the toil and heartbreaks that forged him into the man he was, and wondered if he was willing to undertake the same journey himself.  He considered this in silence as Kashue continued to speak.

      "All of Flaim was mine, yet she was not; I have gained all that I sought to take but lost the one thing that was mine to keep.  All my tears I shed for her that day, leaving me none for the world's sufferings.  My only comfort was that her dream too had been realized, and I pray that she watches over our newborn nation as she watched over me.  In her memory Flaim shall have no queen whilst I reign."

      As the king's tale drew to an end Parn saw that his shoulders stood taller, as if a great weight had been lifted.  "Perhaps I had been wrong, her memory would be served best if I did not hide my past from the present," Kashue said, more to himself than anyone.

      "Your beloved did watch over Flaim, my lord," moved by the king's story, it was all Parn could offer.  He was now determined to spare Deed the sacrifice and pain of human strife, even if it meant not sharing a live with her.  But if her love was true could he so readily deny her?

      "Parn, you have a destiny to fulfill, as every man has," King Kashue began again, as he had detected Parn's unease, "And yours may be grander and more trying than most.  Fate may not be fair nor just, yet people need justice--they need champions.  All who have the gift should answer that call, but your fate is your own to weave."

      "I know what Lodoss needs of me, yet I do not see myself strong enough to serve."

      "Even heroes are not without doubts: they just know how to face them.  You have more strength than you would have yourself believe."  The king's hand gripped his shoulder.  "For a first step, return to Valis and rebuild the Order of the Holy Knights.  Though Carsomyr is lost their leader needs not be.  Falis knowing, King Fahn would surely approve."

      "King Fahn..."  Parn thought about the fallen king his father served with his life.  Few could be deserving of such sacrifice.  The king's sword, Carsomyr the Holy Avenger, helped him free Deed but was rent in the process, sharing the fate of its mortal enemy, Soul Crusher.

      "Take Deedlit with you, let her guard your back and offer you counsel," Kashue urged him, sensing Parn's hesitation, "She's a good and loyal lass, and she could fight like the best of my captains."

      "Sire, I, I don't know if she...if I..." Parn became tongue-tied.  He did not expect the king to be so direct.

      "Do you love her?" again Kashue cut to the chase, "And when you answer me think not of tomorrow or ten years from now but today, this moment."  He fixed Parn with a penetrating stare, and was only satisfied after receiving an emphatic "yes" in reply.

      "Then I urge you not to make the same mistake I made," Kashue weighed his next words carefully, "But if you feel that you must sacrifice one thing or the other...Well, in that case, may you live with no regrets."  The king squeezed his shoulder encouragingly, then strolled off, leaving Parn alone to ponder his own fate.

* * *

      Shortly after King Kashue's departure, Slayn found Parn in just such a state.  He sensed his pensiveness and went quietly on his feet, so that Parn was not disturbed until they stood shoulder to shoulder.  They faced a sleeping sea, whose quiet stirs were given a pale sheen by Silver Luna, the sister of Amanator the Glorious Sun.

      "Leylia was just attending to Deedlit.  She was able to have some food," Slayn mentioned in a low, even voice, "She asked for you before falling asleep again."  

      Parn's mood was lifted temporarily by the good news.  Deed was well on her way to recovery, it seemed.  "I've yet to thanked Leylia," he told Slayn with a tinge of regret.

      "You can find her in the morning.  She's finally getting some rest but won't be pleased if I used another sleep spell on her," Slayn gave him a tired smile, "I just wish I knew more healing magic."

      "You've done the best you can, Slayn.  You all have."

      "So have you, Parn." 

      He wanted to believe that it was true, yet Parn was not devoid of doubts, about more things than one.  He changed the topic after a lull of silence, "I'm glad that you and Leylia found each other."

      "Fate shows us mercy, often when we think it most cruel," Slayn sounded truly happy and content.  "Everyday I pray to Marfa that Ghim could see Leylia safe and well, with me, together."

      "Marfa the Merciful."  Parn made a sign of benediction as he offered a silent prayer for their lost comrade, Ghim the brave dwarf, who freed Leylia from Karla's possession--paying with his life--only to have her snatch up Woodchuck the Thief's body.  Though he knew Wood the least well of all his companions he still owed his life to him more than once, and felt it his duty to somehow seek Karla out and free him--some day perhaps, when he became strong enough to face the ancient sorceress alone, so no other life had to be lost.

      "Captain Shadam said we're only two days away from the shores of Valis," Slayn informed Parn, "I imagine there will be more celebration than a simple country magician could indulge in."

      "What are your plans?  Are you returning to the Temple of Marfa?" Parn inquired, all too happy to stop dwelling on the past.

      "Mother and daughter miss each other," Slayn nodded, "And I intend to resume my studies at the temple, having put them aside long enough."

      "I'm sure Neese will give you her blessings."  Parn was happy for his friend, only wishing that he could see half as clearly his own road to tread.

      "Why don't you and Deedlit join us?" Slayn offered, "At least until she regained her strength."

      "Thank you, Slayn, I'm sure Deed will consider it."  There was no better place to convalesce the body or the mind than the house of Marfa, under the healing touch of Neese, her chief priestess.  Parn chided himself for not having thought of it sooner.  Next to Deed, he most often relied on Slayn for wisdom, the oldest and most knowledgeable of his close companions.  At the present he was certainly in need of sage advice, in matters almost wholly obscure to him.

      "Slayn, what happens when an elf unite in marriage with a human?" Parn asked after having thought of a way to field the question least awkwardly, "Will the marriage be sacred under the gods?"

      Slayn looked up at him, then turned away, suddenly appearing preoccupied with thoughts.  "If their love is true, then it no doubt will be.  The least of the Creator's children is capable of love, and no force can justly sever its bond.  There has certainly been precedence in history of elven-human unions." he told Parn after a moment.

      "But weren't such joining exceedingly rare?" Parn wanted to know, "After all our two races are ruled by such different scales of time."

      Again Slayn gave no immediate answer for what he thought was a simple question.  Parn watched his friend intently, who when he spoke again appeared to choose each word with the utmost care.

      "Traditionally--for no divine-given law governs the union between races, tradition is all that we know--the elf's fate is joined with that of the human when they share the Sacred Bond.  Thus intertwined, the human's mortal span is considerably lengthened, in exchange for the elf's Immortal Life, so they may be together all their days, in this world or the next."

      "Deed will die," Parn said numbly, even as the revelation rent him asunder inside.

      Barely able to look at Parn's face, Slayn could only nod.  "Love parted cannot be sustained, so she would share your fate to have what eternity could not give her."

      "Yet she loves me."  How could he take from her what the evil wizard Wagnard sought to take?  It was unthinkable, but so real, real enough to break his heart.

      "Surely she knows, Parn," Slayn tried to console him, "And still she professed her love for you.  Her Immortal Life is hers to give, whether you accept it or not.  If you feel as much love for her, you should not..."

      The look of utter heartbreak and disbelief on the young man's face told Slayn that he should say no more.  Parn shook his head defiantly, as if trying to brush aside the decree of fate.  "I have learned enough, Slayn.  Thank you for answering me honestly."  He turned and walked away, taking quick steps though his heart was heavy.

      Slayn watched Parn disappear into the lower decks, then offered his sincerest prayer to the heavens: _O Marfa the Wise, grant them wisdom and fortitude, for love can be cruel; O Marfa the Merciful, preserve their hearts, lest they wither and break without love's sustenance._

* * *

      Walking about aimlessly, Parn found himself in the corridor leading to the stateroom.  He did not know what to say to Deed.  His love was as strong as hers he felt, but he feared that because he loved her so he dared not have her love him back.  

      Since he left his village behind, a lifetime ago, he had learned much and saw both evil most foul and sights divinely beautiful.  He understood now that darkness and light were but sides of the same coin, and that good and justice prevailed not by the decree of gods but the sweat and blood of the righteous and brave.  If he served no grander purpose than to travel the world and be an upholder of justice whenever he went, he would have had no regrets.  It would just be like the most wonderful period of his previous journeys, before the machinations of higher powers made themselves known.  Just the blue skies and wind-swept plains, needing nothing but his sword and his friends, with Deed cheering him on whenever he felt wariness in his bones.  The thought of not having her being a part of his life was too much, yet what mortal man was deserving of such sacrifice?

      Parn turned his heel and began to walk back in the direction he had come.  As he came to the end of the corridor a hand grasped his.  He turned his head: it was Sheris.

      "I want to apologize, Parn."  She let go of him and kept her eyes downcast, far from her normal flamboyant self.  Clearly, whatever decision it was that made her come had been a difficult.

      "What for, Sheris?" Parn genuinely had no idea.  She had been nothing but a good friend whose steady swordhand could always be counted on.

      "I...I feel bad for the way I treated you...and Deed too, sometimes," Sheris found the words hard in coming now that she faced him.

      "Sheris, don't mind the little things.  We all have our idiosyncrasies," said Parn kindly, "In the end what matters are the times good and bad we went through together, all of us."

      "No!  I didn't mean those things!" Sheris exclaimed, exasperated, mostly at herself.  "Though I probably should apologize for those too."

      "Then what is it?" it was not Parn's fault that he sounded somewhat impatient, he only wished to be alone at the moment.

      Raising her head slowly, Sheris looked into his eyes, and he was surprised to see that hers were moist.  "I liked you, Parn," she professed, "More than liked...and, and I may still do in a way, I fear.  I've liked you ever since that day on the mountain road."

      Briefly Parn revisited in memory the near-deadly encounter when they first met Sheris and her reticent partner, Orson.  He found no words for her, however, so he let her continue.

      "Almost as soon as I had those feelings, I saw that your heart already belonged to another--who couldn't, you were inseparable," Sheri gave him a quick and bitter smile, "But my vanity got the better of me...and I was feeling so...so lonely."

      "I don't know what to say, Sheris, except that I'm flattered.  Far more than deserved had been given me."  Touched, Parn gently brushed away the gathering tears from the corners of her eyes.  "When I first met you I thought Orson was your fitting companion."

      Sheris nodded, "There's no one more faithful and dependable."

      "Then you feel nothing for him?"

      Parn could see that his question plainly pained her.  Before he could say anything further Sheris replied, "No...I loved him dearly...you have no idea...loved him so much."  After a few soft sobs, she began to tell him their story.

      "We grew up together, as orphans of war.  At a young age we were taken in and raised by a mercenary captain, who had no pity for the weak but showed us kindness in his own ways.  In his care was another child of misfortune, Anomen, a son of Alania.  We bonded like only those who had little else could, and Orson and Anomen became brothers by blood oath.

      "We all loved each other dearly, yet the love of innocent children could not last.  Being the only woman they had known for most of their lives Orson and Anomen both showed affections for me, and I for them.  I took great care not to favor one over the other, for I could not choose, and was afraid to lose the companionship I had always known.  Though I did not know it then, they had agreed between them that if one of them fell in battle--for it was our livelihood--the other was to have my hand, such dear friends they were that they could not decide otherwise."

      Sheris paused for a moment and saw that Parn was listening intently, his eyes full of kindness and compassion.  He was everything she had wanted, but she could not, should not, have him.  She took a deep breath and went on.

      "One day our company was set upon by enemies, too numerous to turn back.  The desperate battle raged from dawn to dusk, and our comrades fell one after another.  In desperation we supplicated the gods: Falis, Marfa, Myrii and even Hyuri, the mad god, offering one of our own for the deliverance of the rest.  In the end Hyuri alone answered, and before we knew what was happening Orson had given over himself.  Hyuri's unbridled strength channeled into him and he was unmatched in battle, slaying all who opposed him.

      "Yet we mortals could ill-afford the tolls exacted by gods.  Orson's strength only came at the price of madness.  Distinction was alien to him, and when our enemies fled Hyuri's thirst for blood had not been sated, and it dawned on us that we had exchanged one doom for another.  At the last moment the sage amongst us revealed that the first rage of a berserker would not subside until his blade had tasted the blood of one he loved.  Unable to bear the sight of Orson's derangement, I would have given my life gladly, but Anomen sensed what I intended and hurled me to the ground.  Before any of us could say another word he ran to his brother."

      Her tears fell freely now, but Parn had no heart to interrupt, and Sheris would not stop yet.

      "Brother redeemed brother, and I was deprived of one I loved dearly.  Before Anomen's grave Orson pledged to protect me to the end of his days, but would not have my hand in marriage.  I knew he loved me still, but his love for his brother, his love of honor, were bonds he could not break.  So we remain partners, companions, dearest of friends, but not lovers."

      The story told, Sheris breathed easier.  "I was with Orson, yet I could not have been more alone.  That loneliness drove me to you, Parn.  But I whom love has not been kind to should know best how precious it is, how rare to have two souls share in each other."  She looked at Parn with sincerity.  "You and Deed have that love, and I was fool for having thought otherwise."

      "I'm sorry Sheris," it was all Parn could say.  He knew then that he was wrong to think love cruel, when it had been most kind to him.

      "No, Parn, no," Sheris tried to put on a brave smile, "I would not have your pity.  The day we were born was the day we accepted our fate, and whatever became of it was our doing.  I'm not so bereaved as I may have sounded: Orson is still at my side."  She glanced away from him, and when he saw her eyes again they were not wholly sad.  "Thank you for listening to me, Parn.  I won't keep you any longer.  I wish Deed and you all the best.  May Falis grant you good fortune, and Myrii guard you from harm!"  With that Sheris ran from him, stopping for a last wave and then disappearing behind a bend in the corridor.

      Parn stood motionless for a moment, then knew where he must go.  A man was the master of his own fate, and decisions over it were his alone to make and live with.

* * *

      "Parn!" a delighted cry greeted him as Parn opened the stateroom door.

      "Sorry I was away for so long.  I thought you were sleeping," said Parn, surprised that Deed was out of the bed.  Looking her over carefully, he saw that her hair had been brushed and resembled once more the cascade of gold he loved and longed to caress.  Her face was still too pale to be healthy but a trace of rosy glow had been returned to her cheeks.  In place of the shroud-like white gown they put her in, she wore a green smock, which was plainly more fitted to a less shapely human girl.  In her right hand she held a wooden cane, which she had been hopping around on when he came into the room.

      "If Etoh had his way I'd be asleep until we are in Valis," Deed made a face, "He did bring me this cane so I won't have to be carried everywhere, though I wish it hadn't been from a tree."  A slight frown formed between her lovely, thin brows.

      "The tree may yet live, and lost branches can be grown again," Parn pointed out quickly.

      "How right you are," Deed considered his words and was all smiles again.  "Don't I look ridiculous in this?  If only I had shorter legs."  She stared down at her feet and demonstrated by lifting the hems of the smock, which barely touched her knees, affording Parn a fleeting glimpse of smooth, white thighs.

      His throat suddenly felt dry.  "I know many human girls who'd do anything to have legs as long."

      "Girls from your village?"  Parn nodded.

      "What a sight for sore eyes you must have been, the fetching, young squire," she teased him, "If only they could see you now, I might have to beat them back with Etoh's cane."  To illustrate, she sliced it through the air like a sword, unsteadily, for it was a good deal heftier than the elven blade she carried.

      "Sight for sore eyes?"  Parn stepped in closer, for fear that she might fall.  "You could have been talking about yourself not an hour ago."

      Hearing him Deed laughed, and crystal bells rang.  She lifted the cane and pirouetted in front of him, but did not quite regain her footing.  She fell into Parn's arms like a feather.

      "If your eyes are sore," she mouthed the words, almost whispering, sharing with him the same breath of air, "Let me kiss them better."

      Her face was even more radiant than Parn remembered.  "My lips are sorer still," he whispered back, and was rewarded with hers on his.  It was even better than their first, now that he prepared.

      "Parn, I'm not sure if you'll understand, but there's something I want you to have," Deed told him after he set her on her feet again.  She limped over to the bed and took something from under the pillow.  In the palms of both hands she offered it to him: the jeweled circlet that had always adored her fair brow.

      "No, Deed, you shouldn't..."  Parn held out his hand as she parted her palms.  He examined the intricately crafted piece: elven runes inlaid in silver and framed by fire opal and moonstone, symbolizing the sun and Luna.  "It loses luster, away from its mistress."

      "It's more than simple jewelry, dearest Parn," Deed closed her hands around his, fixing him with ardent eyes, "All elves are gifted with such a one upon their arrival on earth, for each represents our intimate bond with creation, as nature's offspring.  One is meant to carry it all one's days, unless one's heart is given to another..." her voice trailed off, the loving look in her eyes telling him what a thousand words could not.

      "Deed," words did not come to him easily now, but Parn tried his best, for they were among the most important he should ever utter, "I cannot accept this."  He could not face her, having said those words, but nor could he wrench his eyes away.

      "Parn...why?" Deed sounded more perplexed than upset, "You...love me, don't you?"  Her voice carried the tiniest hint of doubt, and it hurt him so.

      "I do, Deed," Parn spoke truly, "I love you more than anything, more than I could say."

      "Then accept it, my love."  Her hands held his even tighter.

      "I love you too much, Deed.  I love you too deeply to take from you your most valuable.  I can't let you sacrifice your Immortal Life for mine, I won't!"  Parn pushed the circlet back into Deed's palms, holding her hands still.

      "Parn..."  Deed's eyes became downcast, and she seemed to lose her balance.  Parn quickly lent her his arms, supporting her so they both sat upon the floor.  She stared at the circlet in her spread hands.

      "Immortality...What use is it when you can't find happiness?" she asked him, though not he alone, her voice calm yet impassioned.  "Do you know that it was your love that returned me from the brink?"  Her body still shuddered at the memory of the abyss beyond the world.  "I was so close to letting go, but then I thought how sad everyone would be, how said Parn would be.  You have all fought so hard, and if I just gave up then...I, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."  She showed a slight grin, realizing the irony in her words.

      "So you see, my darling, my life in a way already belonged to you.  Won't you take what is rightfully yours?" Deed pled fervently, "I'd rather hold you to the end of our days than mourn your absence 'til the end of time."

      For the longest time Parn said nothing.  He knew that if he denied her now she would be hurt, perhaps more deeply than in the ordeal she just went through.  He also knew that if he did not he would be hurting her in his mind.  It was the most difficult decision he ever faced, and one he wished he did not have to make.  Was it not enough that they loved each other?  Why must fate exact from them such a high price?

      "Deed, will you be angry with me if I did not give you an answer right at this moment?" at last Parn asked hopefully.

      "I can never be angry at you, Parn," Deed shook her head emphatically.

      "I can't answer you because I'm not yet ready," Parn confessed, finally able to face up to his uncertainties and doubts.  "You may feel that I'm deserving of your love, deserving of your sacrifice, but I do not, not as I am now, though I do love you dearly.  I can only tell you that one day I hope to become the person worthy of your gift.  It may be two years from now, or ten years from now, I do not know, except that I will aspire to it however long it takes."

      "You need not prove your worth to me, my love," Deed touched his face gingerly, "I love you for who you are, not whom you can be.  But if it's you will, then of course I'll wait for you.  If I ask you again ten years hence, will you give me an answer?"  Affection and understanding poured forth from her words.

      "I promise, my love," Parn said with all his heart, pressing her trembling hand against his cheek.  "But do not wait for me, Deed, for I cannot bear to part from you.  Come with me on my journey, our journey, just like we used to."

      Her eyes had become moist again, brimming with happiness.  "Oh Parn, of course, of course I will!"  She fell forward, into his open arms.  They embraced for a long, long time, neither speaking, content with the silence, content with the vision of their shared future.

      After they let go of each other, Deed allowed Parn to restore the circlet, a symbol of her love for him, to its former seat.  "If you won't yet have my heart, darling, accept my body," she implored passionately as he brushed her hair into place.

      Before Parn knew what to say she stood up and led him to the bed.  Facing him, she loosened a strap and let the smock fall to her feet.  Now he could not speak had he possessed the tongue of a court jester.  The loveliness unveiled before him made brought on a thirst no nectar could quench.  He drunk her in with his eyes: her angelic face, framed by waterfalls of gold that cascaded down  perfectly curved hips; her breasts, small and taut and pink-tipped; her ivory-smooth thighs, which narrowed into the sublime crescent of her shapely calves.

      Deed sat on the bed and leaned against the pillows, arching her back with feline grace.  She saw the way Parn looked at her and felt a tremendous thrill.  "Do you wear your clothes into the bath?" she asked him teasingly.  

      Floating down to terra firma for a moment, Parn began to undress with uncommon haste.  Buttons were torn and buckles ripped.  When he wore as little--which is to say, nothing--he joined Deed on the bed.

      Now it was her turn to take him in.  Parn felt the delicious touch of her fingers as they glided across his chest and climbed over his back, while he rained kisses down on her face, her neck, her shoulders and her breasts.  

      "Parn," suddenly Deed cupped his face, "Those village girls, have you ever...?"

      He shook his head, and saw on her innocent but inviting face that it was her reply as well.

      "Be gentle, my love," she bid him with a whisper and opened herself to him, intimidated yet emboldened by their naiveté.

      Faced with so much beauty Parn soon found himself on the verge of losing control, as his body began to bend and thrust, seemingly under its own volition.  Deed's undulating form beneath him only fanned the flames in his loins: the way she moved, bent to his desire, lithe like the lynx and slippery as a minnow--it made him timid and bold, scared and brave.

      Deed did not know that her body could be overwhelmed by such sensations.  Every hair, every pore seemed to be the receptor to some ceaseless fount of pleasure.  Her senses became intensified tenfold, so the scent of his sweat became intoxicating and the touch of his fingers burned like firebrand.  She felt his hips rock with newfound urgency and quickened her own to match: faster and faster, closer and closer, higher and higher.

      With a cry Parn felt a tide rush forth from his manhood.  As every muscle in him tightened into a snare Deed convulsed under him, as if her whole body had shattered.  With the writhing came a guttural moan, both agonizing and titillating.  She was shaking uncontrollably, so he clutched her to him, burying his head between her heaving breasts so her exuberant heartbeat resounded in his ear.  He clung to her until his own wild heart subsided and blood had returned to his legs.

      Deed lifted his chain.  The glow on her face was sweeter than any victory he had known.  "Was it everything you dreamed of?" she asked him sweetly, stroking his damp hair.

      Parn let his tongue dart across a rosy nipple, still erect from their exertion.  "I didn't think such dreams possible," he replied before planting a soft kiss just below her throat.     

      A short rest later they both agreed that such magic as theirs had to be experienced twice to be believed.  This time they were more deliberate, remembering where they had touched each other and pointing out where they liked to be touched.  Parn especially took delight in the indescribably lascivious whimpers Deed uttered whenever he nibbled along her slim and delicately tapered ear.  He timed his strokes to her needs, relenting when necessary, so they could reach rapture simultaneously and thus multiply their shared pleasures.  The night was still young.

* * *

      "I thought you fell asleep," Deed told Parn as he opened his eyes, a while after they had sated themselves for a third time.  Head nestled against his arm, she toyed with the dark curls on his chest.

      "Were you not?" he kissed her bejeweled brow, "Only a fool would sleep when he held in his arms so much beauty."

      "You're calling me a fool?" she pouted at him, "Well, at least I don't snore."

      "How would you know when you are asleep?"

      "I don't snore, you big, hairy _human!_"  She beat her fists softly into his chest, only to dissolve into helpless laughter when he retaliated by tickling her with a vengeance.

      Finally a truce was declared, when their ribs hurt from laughing so hard.  "Remember when we fell into the hole beneath the dwarven mines?" Deed asked.

      "You mean when you fell," Parn quipped, "I came down only to get you."

      "I was counting on it," she said and tickled him under the chin.  "It was in there, Parn, under the vaulted ceiling painted with fallen gods, when I first knew," she told him, laying her head on his chest so his hand could luxuriate in the softness of her golden tresses.  "When did you know?"

      Parn let his mind drift back in time.  There had been so many times when he felt for her, but knew not what it was that he felt: when she played the mandolin for him on the battlements of Valis, in the moonlight, neither certain if the night was not their last; when they lay atop the dunes in the desert of Flaim, alone beneath the stars; when he saw her amidst the rainbow blooms in the ancient grove of the druids, the loveliest flower by far; or even when she first came to him, riding on wind--perhaps he loved her from that moment.

      "It was when you fought off the dark elf man outside Myce," he finally replied, "I told myself then: 'She may look dainty but she's strong as an ox.'"

      "What a great impression I made," Deed chuckled.

      "You did save me from him and those kobolds.  I was a poor swordsman then, and you were my shining knight, who rescued the princess from the monsters."

      After her fit of giggles had died down they gazed up at the stars through the porthole above their bed, bright and numerous as those they saw in the desert.  One star in particular outshone its neighbors, so bright that Parn wondered if he had not seen it before.  He pointed it out to Deed.

      "My people call it the Evenstar.  It shows us the way home to the kingdom of fairies, Suldanessellar, deep in the Forest of No Return," she explained, the melody of her voice evoking the smell of meadows and the feel of cool breeze whispering in the shade of immense trees.  "Legend says she was an elf who gave her heart to a king of man.  Moved by their love, Falis set her in the heavens so she may always shine upon the land of her beloved.  Won't that be lovely, Parn?  To be a star?" Deed said dreamily.

      Parn tilted his head and found her eyes gazing into his.  What he saw in them warmed his body and filled him with eager anticipation for the days ahead.  "If you are a star, then let me be the sea, so I may catch you when you fall into my embrace." he told her before they locked lips.

* * *

Epilogue

      Later that night, those on the ship who were awake heard a mysterious song.  They could not tell where it came from, nor did they care, for it was mellifluous and otherworldly beautiful, and soothed those in pain.  Had they known the elven tongue they would have discerned its meaning:

_Caught by the moonlight  
A silent mist  
A shimmer in the trees  
Oh what a night for dreams  
A night of destiny  
Others are sleeping  
So unaware of magic in the air  
Magic you weave just for me  
*Io sono prigionièra_

_Sweet fascination  
Though I don't understand  
The words you say  
You whisper soft and low  
And I am swept away  
Touch of enchantment  
I tremble when you  
Hold me close this way  
Drawn like a moth to a flame_

_Io sono prigionièra  
My fate is in your arms tonight  
Though love is shining in your eyes  
Will you be mine tomorrow  
Io sono prigionièra  
My heart will nevermore be free  
A part of you I'll always be  
From now until eternity_

_Deep as the ocean  
With every kiss  
I'm deeper in your spell  
Love me again tonight  
You are my one desire  
Waves of emotion  
I know that this  
Is where I want to be  
Locked in your arms with no key_

The End

*Note: The Italian phrase "Io sono prigionièra" translates into "I am your prisoner," thus the title of the story.  The above of course is the opening theme of the OAV, word for word (copyright below). 

Eternity

English Version of "Adèsso e Fortuna"

Performed by: Akino Arai

Words by: Linda Hennrick

Music by: Akino Arai

Arranged by: Mitsuo Hagita

Courtesy of: VICTOR MUSICAL INDUSTRIES, INC.

From the Author:

Good job on plowing through all that, even I had a hard time.  Believe it or not this started out as erotica, because I've always wanted to try my hand at it.  But as the background stuff piled on and character development stretched longer and longer it became more of a romance story focusing on the motivation behind relationships as well as their resolution.  Still I refused to give up my dream of writing smut, so there's some of that, which hopefully have been presented in a non-gratuitous fashion, perhaps more like those bodice-ripping romance novels rather than hardcore lemon.  Though I feel lame for saying it, there were various Tolkien references sprinkled throughout, as well as some inside allusions to a certain computer RPG.  It was only natural to borrow Tolkien concepts, as D&D came from the LoTR books and RoLW came from D&D.  Anyway I hope all parties involved don't mind.  Comments are always welcome at tpgoo8@yahoo.com or on FanFiction.Net, under pen name 0007, especially if you spot any mistake (MS Word's spellmangler kills me).  Thank you and keep on reading/writing!

the author

8/15/02


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